The other day I was reading about a successful woman doctor, where she talks about her struggle between her work and her new baby and I know is not easy because I saw it every day with every client who calls me telling me their stories. I have heard an incredible number of different cases, doctors, dentists, police officers, contractors… You name it, but all of them are doing their best to have quality time with their families, but also to give their best performance at work.
My baby was crying non-stop as soon as we got her home. She tried to latch and did well, but I had no way of knowing how much nutrition she was getting. I counted the diapers, and the numbers were just barely on track, and she was making small quantities. I was trying to Google more tips with one hand and nurse her with the other. She was suffering, and I was desperately trying to find the information I needed. She did not sleep. My nipples were bleeding and burning. And I had not slept in three days. I developed an aversion to nursing due to the pain and fatigue but would do anything to calm her and feed her. I am a physician, and I can figure this out, I insisted. I started to withdrawal from phone calls and did not ask for help. I suffered for it. This was the most devastating experience of my life. I was not prepared for motherhood, and I was unraveling.
As a physician, I thought I knew a good deal about infant care. I read through The Harriet Lane Handbook during medical school, read What to Expect When You Are Expecting and began reading the American College of Pediatrics recommended text. I watched a prenatal class that taught lactation techniques and about the process of giving birth. I was preparing for the greatest test of my life and felt confident that I had it handled. After all, I am now a cardiology fellow who is juggling fellowship, research, graduate school and studying for the internal medicine boards. I know how to prepare, so I thought…
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If you want to keep reading her story you can find it at https://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2018/09/the-story-of-a-new-physician-mother.html